Infinity is a Far Away Place

This is the space I'll put how I'm feeling and thinking. Like a journal, only with a password, rather than a key. I'm not sure if I'll ever tell anyone about it. Maybe it will be just for me. Me and my mum who I miss more than anything else in the world...
She died on December 27th 2010. Just after Christmas and a long time after she was first diagnosed with cancer. Throughout almost my whole life I struggled with the idea that one day she wouldn't be with me and now she isn't, I'll never be the same again.
Sometimes, not very often, I think that's for the better, though. Those times I probably wont be writing/posting on this blog, though. I'll keep it for times when life doesn't feel worth living anymore...
(My philosophy has changed. Now I post hot people, too, ok?)

Ask me anything

Text I’m very lost.

And I want my mum.
And I want to cry myself to sleep in her arms. And for her to not get angry. Because she never minded.

And I want her to keep sooking in her bedroom when we upset her. And I want her to have afternoon naps with me, and for her to listen to everything that happened in my day without making sacrastic comments.

And I want her to not laugh at my jokes. And I want that to make me want to tell more jokes.

And I want bed time to be 8:30. And I want chickens and sheep and a dog and a cat.

And I want someone to tell me to practise my piano.

And I want someone to need me, again.

I want to feel like I’m the most special person in the world again. I want presents every two or three days.
I want someone to do part of my laundry.

I want someone who gives advice.

I want someone to make me dinner every night. And to make sure that I eat it.

I want someone to buy me new shoes when I need them. And to tell me to quit my job when it’s awful.

I need for someone to be proud of me, again. I want my dad, even.

I want someone to sort out my uni course. And to help me decide what I want to do with my life.

Life is just too fucking hard.

And I don’t feel like Nick makes it better anymore. And I don’t know what that means at all.
Text

I’m unhappy and no one really knows…
Photo 24241
Notes

(Source: queenkatz, via h0pesdiary)

#Happy #Unhappy #happiness
Photo 39
Notes

I want to be here all by myself… With a puppy. And a picnic. And bubbles. And all of the time in the world…
(Source: designerconfetti, via hello-lerman)
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Notes

glassbonespaperskin:

aww

(via totam-libertatem)
Text 172334
Notes

buck-barnes:

i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”

Mmm
(Source: granbull, via ailurophi-lle)
Text 1
Notes So, I’ve just remembered what’s really set me on edge today…

And it’s not Christmas being stressful.

It’s not the fact that I have no money.

It’s not my lack of a social life and total dependance upon one boy- one boy who has been spending too much time working and is currently half asleep, hile I’m sitting right next to him.

No.

Although those things, and several others I might mention later because I’m feeling rotten and ranty haven’t helped.

It was the man in a wheelchair who had to bring his oxygen machine in to my work today.

Two years ago to htis day was the start of my mum being really, really REALLy sick. And that’s fucking awful.

And I hate everything quite a lot right now.

I mostly hate that I’ve been feeling a litle bit alone in my thoughts. So here they are, to be shared with whomever does or doesn’t care.

bleurgh.
Text I miss you.

And I wish you’d stay
Text

If I knew Stuarts girlfriend wasn’t coming, I wouldn’t have, either.
I think that’s why he didn’t tell me.
Text Nicks friend Stuart said to say hello.

After he asked what I was doing.
And I said that I was E-mailing my friend.