Infinity is a Far Away Place

drheinz asked: I don't think you were talking to me but I don't know who that would be addressed to otherwise. I want to come home Renae I want to. I'm so tired. How are you? Not good, I take it.

Of course it was addressed to you.

Give me your address, please, beautiful Olivia. Pretty please with sugar on top?

And don’t give up today. Because, just for today, I need to know there are people who don’t give up when things are tough. Tomorrow, I don’t mind. But today, today I’d like you to be brave. And to be more than brave- to be happy. 

And I’ll be happy, too, Olivia. I will. Even although I don’t want to, I’ll smile.

And please give me your address. 

In English.

Come home. Or give me your address so I can write to you.

drheinz asked: Another thing babe, do you have Darcy smit's home number?

No, no, I don’t. Haha. That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever been asked. Sorry!

drheinz asked: Hi darling. How are things going? And how's Ryan? Advice time - I hate the doctor but my arthritis is really bad so do I go to the doctor for a prescription of something or do I use the doctor money to buy like 10 packets of pain medication? Xx

Go to the doctor, lovely.

Michael is taking me to the place with the delicious cake.

I feel like hiding. Somewhere dark and warm. For quite a long while. All by myself. But with Internet. And in this warm, dark place, no one will be able to say mean things or yell or… Anything. Nothing.

But they weren’t there beneath your stare, and they weren’t stripped ‘till they were bare…

About my car being fixed, as the car place told me that there was existing damage to the car. And I’m pretty sure that there isn’t. And I want them to fix it properly.

But I also want it back, now.

And I want my $850 excess back, too. 

And I don’t want to have nightmares about it, again.

And I don’t want to be on hold any longer!

Fucking fuckity fuck hold.

Ryan is good. Ryan is lovely. We didn’t kiss last night. Which was a bit weird. 

Ok, well, the lady was SEMI-helpful. I think.

Anyway. I called. 

I think the anti-depressants are helping. Did I tell you about my cleaning?

I cleaned. Because I wanted to. I cleaned the bathroom, which was filthy. I cleaned the floors and I did dishes. And since I’ve kept my room fairly tidy and I’ve cleaned my fish’s water. Even although Amanda has claimed him because I don’t take good enough care of him. 

I didn’t.

But I think I’m getting better.

I feel better about things.

Not really this morning.

This morning I want to cry. But in general. I made Amanda breakfast yesterday. Because I wanted to. Because I felt like it. Because I CAN do things. I don’t need to mope. When I do things, I feel better. I’m not sure. 

Th lady called. I’m not sure where the I’m not sure sentence was going. Or where it wasn’t.

I’m not sure whether I should have a bath or whether I should clean. But there isn’t much cleaning (that isn’t quite pedantic) to be done. Perhaps I should do some craft. I love craft. Gosh. 

unbelievably-average:

going to try and drink my life away tonight. maybe i’ll be able to forget for a couple of hours. all i want is a break…a break from my never-ending hideous thoughts.